I met the friendliest cop last night
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
