my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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