how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
