You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
