She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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