If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have aggressive nipples.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
