Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
false alarm. still invincible.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Girls should come with a carfax report
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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