i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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