I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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