Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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