no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
