Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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