Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
