i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
