Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
