if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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