I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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