handjob tips. give me some.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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