my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
