I can tuck mytits in my pants
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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