Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
