Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
