I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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