Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
