It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
