Im at strip club and am horny
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
