It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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