just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
