I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
