tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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