Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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