i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
