rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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