What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
