so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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