hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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