u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
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At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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