i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
