What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
