Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
