Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
