having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
