I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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