We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
