just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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