Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
