Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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