yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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