yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
