??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
