first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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