My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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