He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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