There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
