Can i not drive my cunt home
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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