nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
