I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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