I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
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he fucked my hip out of place.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
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I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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