dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
