drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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