I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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