i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
