In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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