Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
