I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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