well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point