Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week