I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
