she looked like the bat from fern gully.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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