so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
