I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
