Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
