why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
