i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
