Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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