i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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