Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now

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  (614): I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now http://tfl.nu/fog4
  Replies (9) Good night (3504) Bad night (860)
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  (310): View more from California

  So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?

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  (310): So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned? http://tfl.nu/6bz7
  Replies (15) Good night (5308) Bad night (1155)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.

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  (360): Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall. http://tfl.nu/7ndl
  Replies (3) Good night (3606) Bad night (1458)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.

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  (513): All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit. http://tfl.nu/0ntj
  Replies (9) Good night (1302) Bad night (1931)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.

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  (816): i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else. http://tfl.nu/65tn
  Replies (1) Good night (1191) Bad night (3011)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone

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  (336): I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone http://tfl.nu/escl
  Replies (6) Good night (1368) Bad night (1033)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.

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  (715): Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me. http://tfl.nu/2k2c
  Replies (11) Good night (2628) Bad night (880)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.

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  (360): Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people. http://tfl.nu/w1ks
  Replies (33) Good night (3161) Bad night (1050)
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  (323): View more from California

  Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah

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  (323): Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah http://tfl.nu/389u
  Replies (4) Good night (1221) Bad night (563)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"

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  (+61): I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs" http://tfl.nu/gwkh
  Replies (4) Good night (1724) Bad night (622)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may

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  (303): Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may http://tfl.nu/mwgs
  Replies (1) Good night (638) Bad night (406)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome

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  (913): Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome http://tfl.nu/rr1v
  Replies (4) Good night (1379) Bad night (387)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home

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  (306): these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home http://tfl.nu/81oz
  Replies (0) Good night (927) Bad night (347)
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  (+66): View more from Thailand

  How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?

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  (+66): How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai? http://tfl.nu/z73d
  Replies (2) Good night (588) Bad night (317)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  so much tequila, so little girl.

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  (406): so much tequila, so little girl. http://tfl.nu/z6if
  Replies (2) Good night (381) Bad night (222)

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