No I am not eating basil off your cock
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
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Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.