I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.