sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.