Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.

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(413): I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/g19l

Replies (21) Good night (1831) Bad night (4094)
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(619): View more from California

I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

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(619): I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe. http://tfl.nu/jto0

Replies (24) Good night (4451) Bad night (787)
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(650): View more from California

what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?

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(650): what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job? http://tfl.nu/25b2

Replies (19) Good night (2954) Bad night (736)
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(214): View more from Texas

don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"

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(214): don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out" http://tfl.nu/bp43

Replies (30) Good night (9434) Bad night (1344)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.

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(337): I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed. http://tfl.nu/us0c

Replies (59) Good night (2134) Bad night (3772)
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(816): View more from Missouri

You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal

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(816): You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal http://tfl.nu/06xx

Replies (28) Good night (4444) Bad night (827)
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(+91): View more from India

Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.

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(+91): Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not. http://tfl.nu/eg4c

Replies (34) Good night (1721) Bad night (4043)
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(646): View more from New York

Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?

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(646): Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going? http://tfl.nu/kahl

Replies (12) Good night (2654) Bad night (4604)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy

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(973): That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy http://tfl.nu/xazq

Replies (18) Good night (8847) Bad night (1244)
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(619): View more from California

Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck

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(619): Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck http://tfl.nu/s9r0

Replies (20) Good night (3600) Bad night (1896)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.

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(908): My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this. http://tfl.nu/dlh8

Replies (10) Good night (2540) Bad night (901)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese

(312): View more from Illinois

Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?

(630): View more from Illinois

I love you bro

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(630): Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese (312): Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard? (630): I love you bro http://tfl.nu/jz3g

Replies (10) Good night (3608) Bad night (861)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.

(605): View more from South Dakota

When was that?

(515): View more from Iowa

Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.

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(515): Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy. (605): When was that? (515): Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy. http://tfl.nu/qcf9

Replies (9) Good night (783) Bad night (1174)
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(314): View more from Missouri

mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...

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(314): mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again... http://tfl.nu/jopn

Replies (4) Good night (514) Bad night (670)
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(714): View more from California

I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics

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(714): I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics http://tfl.nu/rtl0

Replies (3) Good night (387) Bad night (165)

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