theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.