Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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